Please do not talk to me if…

       You watch MTV/VH1 for any other reason than to make fun of them: MTV and VH1 are both home of the worst music, television programs, and people on the earth. They pander to the lowest common denominator (teenagers) knowing that they will watch anything featuring a washed up celebrity; I’m talkin’ to you Flava Flav. Aside from VH1’s behind the music, neither of these stations has a reputable program between them. Both stations are dedicated to giving stupid people the stupid programming they want to watch.

        Drugs are the sole source of your creativity: If you depend on drugs as a source of creativity you are no longer valid as an artist; you are weak minded and pathetic. This is nothing more than a cop out because of an inability to create otherwise. Drugs are not “expanding your mind”, you know just as little as you did before your “euphoric” shroom experience, only now you’re more of a jack ass.

        You get f***d up more than three times a week: Honestly, I don’t mind people who engage in recreational drug use from time to time; It’s not my thing, but I can stand it. What does get on my nerves is when somebody I know is on something every time I see them. Seriously? Have you ever heard of moderation? People like this have no priorities, and no real life, yet they think they are the coolest cats since Lion-O. You are not wiser or more grown up because you do more drugs than me. In fact, it is very likely that you are addicted to whatever it is your using, which technically makes you a junkie.

College: A Journey in Self-Discovery

 

College: A Journey in Self-Discovery

 

College is more than a just a place to contract STD’s and develop alcohol dependencies. It’s also a place to learn, no not about stupid crap like math and English ,idiot; I mean yourself. After completing my freshman year of college I’ve never been closer to me. Here are a couple of things I’ve learned on this journey.

     Cleanliness is like truth, it’s very subjective- When some people think cleanliness, they think: wash your hands before you eat, bathe once, if not twice a day, and wear deodorant.  You know what I think that is? Bull crap. Unlike the rest of America I refused to be brainwashed; I follow my own set of rules: Wash my hands before I eat; what are you, five!? Bathing? Only when I become a hazard to those around me, and deodorant? If you’re lucky.

      8:00 classes are the most ridiculous institution on earth-Nobody (by nobody I mean myself) is going to be able to learn anything at 8:00 clock in the morning. Unless you shoot meth before class, you’ll be lucky to even be awake. The students don’t want to be there, the professor doesn’t want to be there, 8:00 doesn’t even want to be there.

 I will go to great lengths to not spend money- It cost a $1.75 to wash clothes in my dorm. Do you want to know how long it’s been since I’ve washed my clothes…No you don’t.

 

Excerpts from my romance novel

         I’ve been trying to keep it under wraps, but the excitement is just too much. Lately I’ve been working on a steamy new romance novel I’ve titled Sexy Sex and it’s sure to be a hit with the ladies. Now you know what to get them for valentines day. Here are some excerpts from the book!

        

“She could barely contain herself as Derek’s powerful, unrelenting hands gripped the donut, dripping purple jelly into the darkest recesses of his beard.”

 

Holy crap! I think I just brought sexy back!

 

        “There he stood, broad shouldered and tanned, soaked with the sweat of a hard days work. His shirtless muscles rippled in the hot sun, emanating a heat of their own…a heat as hot as her lustful hot passion. Their eyes met and introduced each other. His seemed to say ‘yes, I am, in fact, attracted to women.’”

 

 

 

Hold on a second guys, is it hot in here? Or is it just Sexy Sex!?

 

 

“He had been surveying her form from across the street for what felt like an eternity; his eyes striving to penetrate through her dense clothing. Finally he took the liberty of objectifying her aloud. ‘Hey! Nice boobies!’ He declared exuberantly, nearly spilling the change he had collected in his tin can.”

 

 

I’m not sure you ladies can handle anymore! But I’ll be sure to bring you anymore sexy sex updates!

Facebook Thinks I’m Gay

 If you haven’t noticed, sites like Facebook and Myspace use the information you put on your profile to sell you things. I often receive advertisements for “black” ring-tones (whatever that is) or things pertaining to the Rocky films or jazz. Which is absolutely fine, selling is what you do in a business and I understand that. What I don’t understand is why lately I’ve been receiving an onslaught of”Men looking for Men” (or gay) ads from Facebook.

Nowhere on my profile does it mention anything about a homosexual lifestyle, or bi-curiosity. In fact, my bio clearly indicates that I am interested in women. The only reasonable conclusion I could draw from this series of events is that Facebook has pegged me as a closet-gay and is looking to “out” me.

Well I’ve got news for you Facebook; I’m not gay. And if you think you can trick me into thinking I’m gay by sending me a crapload of gay ads, you’ve got another thing coming. You’ve got to wake up pretty early in the morning to fool Julias Nehemiah Thompson…at least four or five-thirty. I’m gonna go blow stuff up…very hetero-sexual.

The “N” word

       I’ve never had a strict policy on the use of the word “nigger” by non-blacks in my presence before, but, now that the use of the word has become an annoyance, I’ve decided to develop one. The word “nigger” doesn’t offend me in the conventional, ”that’s racist!” sense; but more in the sense that I’m sick of white people mindlessly repeating the lines from stupid rap songs that include the word “nigger” then turning to me to say “oh sorry, no offense” and go on to explain to me all the reasons why they are not racists: “Most of my friends are black,” “I have a black dog,” or ”I love black people, I think everybody should have one.”    

        Okay, whatever, I’m going to be honest with you for a second. I do not give a shit. You can carve the word onto your forehead for all I care. It is a word, I’m not going to cry about it, and I’m not going to “bust a cap” on you for saying it. Who am I to designate who can and can’t say nigger; I’m not God. Even If you didn’t use it in front of me, you could just go home and say a million times to yourself. I don’t know why you would, but more power to you.

         This word is only offensive because people continue to let it be offensive. I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but get over it. There are much more important things to be pissed off about.